Quote of the Week #20

“Mamma’s having an old lady moment,” Gabe said to Teagan who questioned the sequence of events beheld by her young eyes from the safe distance of the kitchen.

Who has two thumbs, a concerned three year old, and no coordination? This girl. That’s right. Only my uniquely overconfident albeit atrocious depth perception and what I can only assume to be recessive genes could create a woman as prone to such frequent freak accidents as I.

The words spoken between my husband and daughter rang in my carpet-burned right ear after my left had fully absorbed the embarrassingly “Life Alert* commercial-esque” groans that found their way out as I made my descent. Yes, I, who once dreamed of floating across a stage in satin pointe shoes, managed to complete a full-body roll while simultaneously balancing–and subsequently throwing straight into the air–two wooden Melissa & Doug** puzzles.

Where does she draw her artistic and acrobatic inspiration you ask? From sheer exhaustion and a refusal to care what I look like at 7:30 PM, on a Tuesday night, in my own living room. At the end of a long day of mothering, walking on my feet was just too much to bear. As I crawled across the floor on hands and knees (arguing that it would be a more efficient cleaning method), I was dealt a swift and humbling lesson in gravity and work ethic by none other than The Plastic Drum himself.

In all of his perfectly slick and cylindric glory, Drum had shown me the error of my slothly ways (that’s a word, right? You know…like a sloth***? That’s the only animal I can think of who might clean like me). Thanks to him, I’ll never tidy the living room without my padded bodysuit and hovercraft again! Thanks, Drum and Gravity for keeping me on my toes…and my face.

Happy Friday, errbody.

*Life Alert is in no way connected to this blog…per their request…made via phone through bouts of unsuccessfully stifled snickering.

**Neither Melissa nor Doug wanted their name on this either.

***Sloths are on the fence. Where they’ll probably be for some time. Seriously, have you seen those things? They baaaarely move. How they’ve managed to reproduce at all boggles my mind.

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